LOL!!

This post starts with the word LOL! Why? Coz it’s my first post after my so called resolution to post every week and it’s already April!

2 main reasons; studies and work. Studies wise I took thr most difficult course in the whole series; and it’s been brutal. Mix in steep learning curve of new languages, new technologies, some of which I had never heard (think docker?), company restructuring, sibling international move and vacations. That is a perfect storm of events to avoid posting.

Luckily the studies are tapering off. They would end in the next month. Work wise my team has been merged with another, much larger team. The interesting dynamic here is that my new manager keep referring to us as “you guys” or “your team” and “my team”. It feels like we were fixed upon her.

Which means it’s time to move. Honestly, I’ve been procrastinating moving as I’ve fallen into a comfortable routine. I have decided to take the leap and start looking out.

Another aspect I’ve been focusing on is personal branding. Nothing done here yet, as I really don’t know where to start. Thus far it’s just been reading and more reading on this topic. However I do want to start off by marketing my book more robustly. That’s my goal for the upcoming months.

Superiority complex

It’s sad to see the increasing superiority complex I see among ppl. Mind you, it’s always been there but more of an undercurrent for most parts.

What’s sad is how mainstream it is becoming. What’s even sadder is how it’s being abused. People don’t seem to have any tolerance and understanding left; a slight deviation from their thinking or sense of what should happen and they cry wolf. This person is being entitled! That person is being racists! That community thinks too highly of themselves!! Etc etc.

There are instances of true racism which happen but if the word gets used and abused so often then the general public get desensitized to it. Much like hearing about wars or famines.

Message to those who feel entitled in any way whatsoever; superiority should come in personality and mannerism. Nothing else. No exceptions.

What do you think?

2024 resolutions

Here goes by 2024 resolutions, hope I can keep this!

1. Post on the blog once a week, it could be about anything but post something
2. Contribute to my audiobook every week
3. Keep a closer eye on my finances, so far I have been quite laissez faire about it. Time to take a self check on it
4. Of course, get As for my courses this semester!
5. Travel!!
6. Market my book more forcefully. I realized how bad I was in marketing / self promoting myself when I published the book!
7. Get a promotion! Enough of being bhind-the-scenes worker

Is that enough? 😛

New beginnings and conflict

There’s an interesting pattern I noticed in my life. Whenever, I have a new geographical beginning, meaning I relocate, it always starts with a conflict. And since I do not like conflict, I retreat

1. London – started on a conflict
2. France – intention was to work and settle there but then the financial crisis happened and I ducked
3. Mumbai – conflict with TK and the whole fiasco
4. HK – conflict
5. US – came here and the virus struck

Is that a sign? Maybe I should just stick to home 🙂

Gratitude

Gratitude is the cornerstone of living. Too many people, myself included, take gratitude for granted. Too many people forget what they have and start going after what they don’t. The grass on the other side looks greener; but that’s mostly coz the sun’s rays and moon’s shine are slanted.

I am grateful for the ability to feel the sun;

I am grateful for the ability to walk and run

I am grateful for friends and family alike

Who bear my yells and tantrums with smiles

I am grateful for the health I have

Which enables me to dish out sass

I am grateful for the world am in

With all the goods and badass sins

I am grateful for the seeds been sown

Which allows me to grow and grow

In short,

I am grateful. Thank you

-Ahamkar

 

2020

Well it’s only March and already so much has happened I don’t even know where to begin.

What started off as an exciting journey to hopefully something new has given the newness in spades; just not sure about the exciting part.

First was maneuvering through the huge US bureaucratic system; how on earth does this country function? Next came my appraisal (more below) and lastly the virus situation.

Let’s start from the beginning. Got my long last relocation to states end of November last year. HKer refused the local residency as well as visa offer. Well, his loss. Came here and was pleasantly surprised by how smooth it was, regardless of the various small hurdles. The biggest being the bureaucratic system here, especially around credit scores, and internal hiccups. 

Appraisal came and I was sorely disappointed.  He did make up for it financially but in the long term, it still stings. Especially his admission that he not only not wanted this role but dose’nt care about it. Oh well…there goes another

On a positive note, been enjoying work from home! No need to dress up, travel, pack food etc etc. On pyjamas all day :0 

2018

2018 has been a hell of a year. It started off well with the marriage, visa, transfer etc. I went to HK on Jan 17th and the first 2 weeks were good; settling down, new life, new house, new country etc. All hell broke loose in Mid Feb with the Guy’s father asked him to tell me that I should fend for myself financially. What the heck does that even mean! Of course as a working member of the household I’ll contribute but to fend for myself? Whyever did I get married then? If there is no dependency? No connectivity? The Guy then has the galls to say he wants a live-in relationship with benefits! Didn’t it occur to him to tell me this beforehand? I might (and heck am not!) be comfortable with this arrangement you know?

Well long story short, we took action in trying to dissuade him from this approach and the Guy got pissed off. Rather than sorting it out he held a grudge and came to asinine conclusion. In addition, his sister started interfering with all aspects of my married life; when should I eat, when should I go out, what I should do, what I should not do yada yada yada.

Life trudged along and I got pregnant. Things hit a peak with Guy grudge boiled over and he got violent. I had to leave the house for my safety and Guy got pissed off that I am leaving the house! I mean what the?? He doesn’t see anything wrong with hitting  a woman, hitting a pregnant woman but sees red if she leaves the house to seek safety!

Guy then moves into his own room and from then onwards it was totally separate living in every way. I could not even borrow his clothes washing powder! I tried for 6 months then gave up and came back and now Guy has the galls to say I gave up quickly!

What kind of men are we bringing up nowdays? The Mother has a daughter, dosen’t she see the monster of a son she has brought up? How blind can a parent be?

 

 

Marriage – First Looks

It’s slightly more than 3 months since I have been married and a month since we have been living together and the journey has been rocky to say the least.

Marriage is an institution for a reason; it needs time, effort and sheer hard work. When you add in the additional detail of an arranged marriage, then adjustment and the realization of adjustments needed become vital.

My beginning has been rocky, to put in mildly. It start off with the adjustment being severely one-sided. He eats when he wants with no regard for my needs. He eats what he buys, without asking me if I want any. He watches what he wants with no regard for my tastes.

Folks around me say he does that coz he is very used to being alone and has lost the sense of what it’s like to live with another person. My argument is that living alone does not leads to a complete degeneration of social skills. Asking a person if they are hungry before helping yourself to food is basic decency; even if you’ve been living alone.

Man is just self-centered. The tipping point was when he said he considered this a live-in relationship and thus expects all expenses to be split. How about when we have kids? Who is going to pay for the emotional roller coaster ride I’ll have? How about when I cook? When I clean house?

Man seems to love his money—LOVE his money. Every cent I ask him and he makes a face. It’s a good thing that I work and am able to fend for myself, otherwise it is gonna be crazy.

New Life

Got married a month ago.

This is supposed to be a sweet time, a time of dreams, aspirations, hope, planning, re-planning. I am looking forward to it but with a lot of trepidation. Will he be as I dreamt? No. As I wished? No. As I expected? Maybe. Should I be open minded? Yes. Giving in? Sometimes…

So many choices, so many paths but only a few result in a great life. All in all, an interesting journey it’s going to be 🙂

Moms

I am getting increasingly short-tempered with my mom. I love her, no, I adore her. However her constant nagging and self-pity are driving me up the wall.

Typical of me, I keep quite and ignore until I cannot take it anymore, then I blow up- and she wonders what happened poor thing. Then she gets upset and I get more upset.

Sigh……mothers….